How To Overcome The Feeling Of Being Broken After MST

As the host of "The Silenced Voices of MST," I often get deeply personal questions from listeners who are navigating the aftermath of military sexual trauma (MST). One of the most relatable and tough statements I’ve encountered is, “I feel broken by my assault.” That’s something that takes so much courage to divulge to a complete stranger. It’s a sentence that resonates with profound pain and vulnerability, and it’s one that requires a nuanced response. It immediately makes sense, and it hurts to hear or see someone hurting like that

The Concept of Kintsugi

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In Japanese culture, there exists an art form known as Kintsugi. This ancient technique of repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum is something a lot of people who have been traumatized find in their search for meaning or peace. Instead of hiding the cracks, Kintsugi highlights them, celebrating the pottery’s history and the beauty that can come from imperfection. The philosophy behind Kintsugi is that breakage and repair are part of an object's history, and rather than something to disguise, they should be embraced and celebrated.

Although I don’t think anyone would ever celebrate their assault, I do believe you can celebrate growth, rebirth, and your ability to help others with the life lessons learned on your path to healing. When we apply the principles of Kintsugi to our own lives, particularly in the context of MST, we begin to see that our experiences—no matter how painful—are integral parts of our story. They do not diminish our value but rather enhance our uniqueness and strength. I, too, felt completely worthless after repeated traumas and feeling like everyone could see that something was wrong with me. But now, I show the cracks, because that’s where my inner light shines through. The gold in our cracks symbolizes resilience, courage, and the beauty that emerges from our journey through adversity.

Grieving the Life You Once Had

One of the first steps in healing from MST is acknowledging and grieving the life you once had. It’s essential to give yourself permission to mourn the loss of the person you were before the assault. This grief is valid, and it’s a crucial part of the healing process.

I remember the days when I felt like a shadow of my former self, mourning the loss of my the life I had known as a military kid, my sense of security when seeing uniforms, and my trust in my judgement. How could I have been so wrong? This grief was a heavy burden, and I ran from it for a long time trying to hide it under a thick veneer of alcohol, drugs, and tons of bad decisions. But finally acknowledging it allowed me to start the process of healing. It’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to miss the person you used to be. Not only that, it’s okay to grieve the person you could have been. Let yourself grieve, but also internalize that this grief is not the end of your story.

Learning to Feel Safe in Your Body Again

Feeling safe in your body again is one of the most challenging aspects of recovery. MST often leaves us feeling disconnected from their bodies, plagued by anxiety, and haunted by memories of the assault. Reconnecting with your body is a gradual process, and it’s different for everyone. I remember trying to scrub my skin off one night because I just felt so disgusted with all of myself its not uncommon to hear something like this from survivors.

For me, learning to feel safe in my body involved exploring various therapeutic practices such as yoga, mindfulness, and somatic experiencing. These practices helped me to ground myself, to feel my feet on the earth, and to slowly reclaim my body as a safe space. It’s about small, intentional steps—feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin, the comfort of a soft blanket, the rhythm of your breath. Living with intention rather than drifting through life made the difference. These moments of mindfulness can help you rebuild a sense of safety and control.

Learning to Trust Again

Trust is often shattered after an assault, and rebuilding it can feel completely foreign. Trusting others, and even trusting yourself, may seem impossible. But trust can be rebuilt, piece by piece.

Start by surrounding yourself with people who respect and support you. This might be friends, family, or members of a support group. It could even be an online community centered on fixing and selling antique clocks. If it’s an activity where you feel at peace and can create a sense of self-worth, go for it! It’s important to have a safe space where you can express yourself without fear of judgment. Over time, these positive interactions can help you begin to trust again.

Trusting yourself is equally important. It’s about listening to your intuition and respecting your own boundaries. Remember, it’s okay to take things slow. I would t say to throw yourself into an environment full of wild cards where people may behave inappropriately and unpredictably (like a crowded bar or dance club). Easing back into being around other people is like getting into a hot tub. Healing is not a linear process, and it’s perfectly normal to have setbacks.

Finding Peace After Trauma

Finding peace after something as violent as MST is quite the task. It’s about integrating the traumatic experience into your life without allowing it to define you. It’s about reclaiming your story and finding moments of joy and tranquility amidst the chaos.

For me, peace comes in moments of stillness—watching a sunset, taking the time to create a really great meal from Pinterest, or losing myself in a good book. These moments remind me that despite the trauma, life still holds beauty and wonder. Peace is not a constant state but a series of fleeting moments that, when woven together, create a tapestry of resilience. And remember, you deserve peace. You are not undeserving because you’ve known pain. You will never be undeserving of peace no matter what you went through or what you had to do to survive. If anyone tries to make you feel that way, kick them out of your life immediately.

Embracing the Journey: Each Day is Work

Although I have reached a place of stability, each day is still work. I have bad days, days when the weight of my experiences feels too heavy to bear. But I also have good days, days when I feel proud of how far I’ve come. It’s important to acknowledge both. Healing is not about reaching a destination but about navigating the journey with compassion and courage.

I enjoy seeing myself handle a situation that years ago would have sent me in a tailspin. Now, I congratulate myself for find the right coping skills and knowing when I need to take a break and get recentered.

Focusing on Self-Pride

One of the most empowering aspects of my healing journey has been learning to focus on becoming proud of myself. It’s about celebrating the small victories—getting out of bed on a difficult day, reaching out for help, or simply taking a moment to breathe. These victories may seem insignificant to others, but to us, they are monumental.

I’m not saying to become arrogant. Everyone can see through falsely confident people, no matter what they tell themselves. There’s a reason arrogant people don’t have many friends, or if they do, they are frenemies. What I mean is to employ frequent positive self-talk!

I remind myself daily that I am proud of who I am and what I have overcome. This pride is not about ignoring the pain but about recognizing my strength and resilience. It’s about understanding that my worth is not defined by my trauma but by my ability to rise above it. I encourage myself through each step of the day. “Yes, I did it!” Or “Great job, girlfriend!”

It’s not stupid if it works

Finding Strength in Listening to Stories

One of the reasons I’ve been able to gain strength and host about something that is really triggering is because I know that I am fighting for the person I used to be and for many people who will live after me. Each story I listen to with my guests and audience is a testament to our collective resilience. It’s a reminder that while our experiences are painful, we are not alone. Help is out there!

The Advocates of MST: A Community of Support

In addition to the podcast, I founded the Facebook group, The Advocates of MST, as a space for survivors to connect, share their experiences, and support one another. This community has become a vital part of my healing process. Seeing others find their voice and gain strength from our shared experiences reminds me daily of the importance of our work. We are also going to start activism in a unique and interesting way in order to continue our fight for accountability in the Armed Services.

A Message to Those Who Feel Broken

To those who feel broken by their assault, I want you to know that you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, and your pain is real. But remember, like the pottery in Kintsugi, your cracks are not flaws—they are the places where the light escapes and tells your story of survival, courage, and strength.

Grieve the life you once had, but also embrace the person you are becoming. Reclaim your body as a safe space, rebuild trust in yourself and others, and seek moments of peace amidst the chaos. Each day is work, but each day is also an opportunity to grow, to heal, and to be proud of yourself.

Healing from MST is a complex and deeply personal journey. It’s about finding strength in brokenness, embracing the philosophy of Kintsugi, and allowing your cracks to shine with the gold of resilience and courage. It’s about grieving, rebuilding, and reclaiming your life, one step at a time.

As a survivor and an advocate, I am here to tell you that healing is possible. It’s a journey filled with challenges, but also with breakthrough moments of profound beauty and strength. Some days, you’ll feel invincible. Other days you’ll want to. E invisible. It’s okay! Be proud of your journey.

I hope this note is a source of comfort and inspiration for those who are navigating the difficult path of healing from MST.

Remember, you are not alone, and together, we can find strength in our brokenness and beauty in our scars.

Emerging: Coast Guard Commandant Testifies On Massive Cover-up At Academy

Last night’s testimony of Admiral Linda Fagan before Congress has shed light on a scandal of monumental proportions. The U.S. Coast Guard’s “Operation Fouled Anchor” investigation, which uncovered rampant sexual assault and harassment at the Coast Guard Academy, was deliberately concealed from Congress and the public. This betrayal is a blatant disregard for justice and transparency, and it demands immediate action.

A History of Neglect and Concealment

The investigation revealed that between the late 1980s and 2006, dozens of substantiated incidents of rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment occurred at the Coast Guard Academy. Despite these findings, the report was buried, and the victims were denied justice. This cover-up is not just an oversight; it’s a calculated attempt to protect the institution at the expense of the survivors .

Key Findings:

• Dozens of substantiated incidents of rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment.

• Failure to disclose the investigation to Congress and the public.

• Continued concealment by top officials, including former Commandant Karl Schultz.

The Cost of Silence

Admiral Linda Fagan’s testimony last night has brought this scandal into the public eye, but her admission of ignorance about the full extent of the investigation until recently is unacceptable. The Coast Guard’s actions—or lack thereof—demonstrate a systemic issue that must be addressed immediately.

Admiral Fagan’s Testimony Highlights:

• Admitted failure to report the findings to Congress.

• Unaware of the investigation’s full scope until it was exposed by the media.

• Commitment to notifying Congress only after the scandal broke.

Congressional Response

Senator Richard Blumenthal and other members of the Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations have been vocal about the need for full disclosure and accountability. Their call for an Inspector General investigation into why “Operation Fouled Anchor” was kept secret is a crucial step toward justice.

The Impact on Survivors

The Coast Guard’s betrayal has a profound impact on the survivors of these heinous acts. By concealing the investigation, the Coast Guard has further victimized these individuals, denying them the justice and support they deserve.

Survivor Testimonies:

• Voices silenced by institutional neglect or fear of retaliation.

• Continued trauma from the lack of accountability.

• Demand for justice and transparency.

A Safe Space for Survivors

We understand that coming forward can be daunting, especially when trust has been so deeply violated. We welcome survivors to share their stories anonymously if they don’t feel safe. Your voice is powerful, and we are here to support you.

Episode 7 came to my mind as I watched this testimony. Our guest, a courageous Navy Commander, shared the story of her brutal assault and how she was treated afterward. This is not new information to our Senators, but this problem continues?

How You Can Make a Difference

We must keep the pressure on the Coast Guard to fully disclose all information related to “Operation Fouled Anchor” and hold those responsible accountable. Sharing these stories and amplifying the voices of survivors is crucial in the fight for justice.

Here’s how you can help:

•Share this post to raise awareness.

•Follow us on social media to stay informed and engaged.

•Subscribe to our podcast for in-depth discussions on this issue and to give these stories the attention they deserve.

Together, we can ensure that these voices are heard and that meaningful change is achieved. By holding the military accountable, we can protect and advocate for survivors of military sexual trauma.

Demand Justice Now

The U.S. Coast Guard’s concealment of sexual assault cases is a gross injustice that cannot be ignored. We must demand transparency and accountability from those in power. Join us in this critical mission to protect and advocate for survivors of military sexual trauma.

Links for Further Reading:

• C-eSPAN: Admiral Linda Fagan’s Testimony

• CNN: Former Coast Guard Leader Buried Investigation

• Whistleblower Comes Forward

How do you feel knowing a cover up was going on for decades in the Coast Guard? Share your thoughts below

Manage Your Triggers With This One Easy Trick

In today’s fast-paced overwhelming world, stress and anxiety have become common experiences for many people. For survivors of military sexual trauma or those currently in the middle of a traumatic experience, managing these feelings is especially crucial. Finding effective ways to cope with symptoms of anxiety, PTSD, and the aftermath of MST is essential for maintaining mental and physical health. One simple yet powerful method is mindful breathing. The 5-second inhale, 5-second hold, 5-second exhale technique, often referred to as box breathing, is a proven approach to calming the mind and body. This blog post explores the science behind this breathing technique, its numerous benefits, and practical steps for incorporating it into your daily routine.

The Science Behind Breathing Techniques

Breathing is an automatic process that sustains life, but conscious breathing can significantly impact our overall well-being. The 5-5-5 technique involves inhaling for five seconds, holding the breath for five seconds, and exhaling for five seconds. This method is rooted in ancient practices like yoga and meditation, which emphasize the importance of breath control.

For individuals who have experienced MST, anxiety and PTSD symptoms can be overwhelming and debilitating. The 5-5-5 breathing technique engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to counteract the 'fight or flight' response often triggered by trauma. By regulating your breath, you can lower your heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and promote a state of relaxation, which is crucial for those recovering from traumatic experiences.

Benefits of the 5-5-5 Breathing Technique for MST Survivors

1. Reduces Anxiety and PTSD Symptoms: Survivors of MST often experience heightened anxiety and PTSD symptoms. The 5-5-5 technique encourages deep, slow breaths that signal the brain to relax, helping to alleviate these symptoms and create a sense of calm.

2. Improves Focus and Concentration: Trauma can affect cognitive functions, making it hard to concentrate. By slowing down your breath, you can enhance your ability to stay focused and grounded, particularly in high-pressure situations.

3. Promotes Emotional Regulation: Controlled breathing can help manage intense emotions by reducing the severity of negative feelings. It provides a moment to pause, reflect, and respond rather than react impulsively to triggers.

4. Enhances Sleep Quality: Many MST survivors struggle with insomnia or disrupted sleep. Practicing mindful breathing before bedtime can prepare your body for rest, improving the quality of your sleep and helping to combat insomnia.

5. Boosts Physical Health: Consistent practice of deep breathing can improve lung capacity, enhance cardiovascular health, and strengthen the immune system, all of which are beneficial for overall recovery and well-being.

How to Practice the 5-5-5 Breathing Technique

Incorporating the 5-5-5 breathing technique into your daily routine is simple and requires no special equipment. Here’s how you can start:

1. Find a Comfortable Position: Sit or lie down in a comfortable position with your back straight and shoulders relaxed. Close your eyes to minimize distractions.

2. Inhale: Slowly inhale through your nose for a count of five. Focus on filling your lungs completely, feeling your chest and abdomen expand.

3. Hold: Hold your breath for a count of five. Use this moment to center your thoughts and stay present.

4. Exhale: Slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of five. Feel the tension leaving your body with each breath.

5. Repeat: Continue this cycle for several minutes. Aim to practice for at least five minutes initially, gradually increasing the duration as you become more comfortable with the technique.

Incorporating Breathing Techniques into Daily Life

Consistency is key to reaping the benefits of the 5-5-5 breathing technique. Here are some tips to help you integrate this practice into your daily routine:

- Start Your Day: Begin your morning with a few minutes of mindful breathing to set a calm and focused tone for the day.

- Take Breaks: Use this technique during breaks at work or throughout the day to reduce stress and maintain clarity.

- Before Bed: Incorporate the 5-5-5 technique into your nighttime routine to promote relaxation and improve sleep quality.

- During Triggers: Whenever you feel anxious or triggered, use this breathing method to ground yourself and regain control over your emotions.

Mindful breathing, particularly the 5-second inhale, 5-second hold, 5-second exhale technique, offers a simple yet effective way to manage anxiety, PTSD, and other symptoms related to MST. By incorporating this practice into your daily life, you can enhance your mental and physical well-being, paving the way for a healthier, more balanced life. Remember, healing is a journey, and every breath you take mindfully brings you one step closer to reclaiming your peace and strength.

If you found this technique helpful, consider subscribing to "The Silenced Voices of MST" podcast for more insights and practical tips on managing MST-related symptoms.

Have you tried the 5-5-5 breathing technique? How did it affect your anxiety or PTSD symptoms? Your story will inspire others on their path to healing! Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments below – how has mindful breathing impacted your recovery journey?

Why One Assault is Still Too Many

April marks the beginning of Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), a time dedicated to raising awareness about sexual violence and its impact on individuals and communities. In recognition of this significant month, it is essential to shed light on the prevalence of military sexual trauma (MST) and its profound implications for survivors.

Understanding Military Sexual Trauma (MST): A Unique Challenge

Military Sexual Trauma (MST) is a pervasive issue that affects individuals serving in the military and their surrounding communities, regardless of gender, age, rank, or race. It encompasses a range of sexual violations, including sexual harassment, assault, and rape, perpetrated by fellow service members or superiors, and it can also happen to dependents. The prevalence of MST continuing rise, even after many publicized events after high-profile deaths and an unprecedented change to the UCMJ highlights the urgent need for increased awareness, prevention, and support for survivors within the military community.

As we observe Sexual Assault Awareness Month, it is crucial to recognize the unique challenges faced by survivors of MST. The hierarchical structure and male-dominated culture of the military can exacerbate feelings of powerlessness and isolation for survivors, making it difficult for them to come forward and seek help. Additionally, the stigma surrounding mental health and sexual assault within the military can further deter survivors from speaking out and accessing support services, especially if the trauma happens to a male.

In light of these challenges, raising awareness about MST is paramount in fostering a culture of accountability, support, and prevention within the military. By amplifying the voices of survivors, advocating for policy changes, and promoting education and training on sexual violence prevention, we can work towards creating safer and more inclusive environments for all service members. Here at Silenced Voices, we advocate for a cultural change in our military, so that those in need can get the help they need without fear of ridicule, being ostracized, or even further harmed.

Commemorating Sexual Assault Awareness Month: Free E-book Release

To commemorate Sexual Assault Awareness Month and honor the resilience of MST survivors, we are pleased to announce the release of a new free e-book, which is one of a three part series. This e-book offers valuable insights, resources, and strategies for survivors navigating the complexities of MST and seeking healing and empowerment. Not only is this e-book a resource for those unfamiliar with MST and would like to learn more, it also showcases strength and courage of survivors trying to heal while underscoring the importance of supporting and advocating for their rights.

The Symbolism of the Teal Ribbon: Reflecting the Year-Round Struggle

The teal ribbon has become a symbol of awareness and support for survivors of sexual assault. It serves as a reminder that sexual assault remains a problem year-round until it is eradicated.

That is why Silenced Voices | Stories of MST uses teal in its logo and most of its products—to reflect the ongoing struggle and to stand in solidarity with survivors. It is also a nod to Rosie the Riveter, the women that stepped up to work in factories and more during WW2, as part of their patriotic duty. We could think of nothing more patriotic than advocating the safety and mental health of our service members and their communities.

Announcing Silenced Voices | Stories of MST: Premiering April 2nd

Again, we are excited to announce the premiere of Silenced Voices | Stories of MST’s second season on April 2, 2024. We are introducing video podcasts to help expand awareness and bring in more support. Please subscribe to our YouTube channel to see each episode and also learn about recent headlines concerning Military Sexual Trauma. Our first guest, UN Ambassador Eileen Dong, will share her powerful story of survival and resilience, offering inspiration, hope, and more resources to survivors worldwide.

The Symbolism of the Teal Ribbon: Reflecting the Year-Round Struggle

Next week, as we begin the month of awareness and advocacy during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, stand in solidarity with survivors of MST and reaffirm our commitment to creating a military and a world free from sexual violence. Together, we can break the silence, challenge the stigma, and build a future where all individuals are treated with dignity, respect, and equality.

Listen. Believe. Support.

Survivor Eileen Dong Takes on Human Trafficking

As we eagerly prepare for the debut of Season 2 of our podcast on April 2, 2024, we're thrilled to introduce you to our first guest, UN Ambassador Eileen Dong. In anticipation of this insightful conversation, we're shaking things up by not only bringing you our usual audio format but also introducing video podcasts on YouTube. It's an exciting time as we expand our reach and dive deeper into crucial topics.

So, let's take a moment to get acquainted with our remarkable guest and the important discussion ahead.

UN Ambassador Eileen Dong

Founder and Executive Director
Hope Pyx Global

Recipient of the Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award

Learn more

In our conversation, Eileen shares her journey, shedding light on the harrowing realities of human trafficking and its intersection with military sexual trauma (MST). It's a conversation that challenges misconceptions and emphasizes the urgent need for action and support.

Her story is one of courage, resilience, and unwavering commitment to making the world a better place. She works tireless in advocacy against human trafficking and gender-based violence serves as a symbol of hope for survivors everywhere. During the interview, we're reminded of the importance of listening, supporting, and taking action to create a safer, more compassionate world for all.

Human trafficking is a global issue, far more prevalent and insidious than many realize. Eileen highlights the misconceptions surrounding trafficking, emphasizing that it can happen to anyone, regardless of their background or location. Through her work, she aims to debunk myths and raise awareness about the true scale of this crisis.

Finding Passion and Purpose

Eileen's journey to becoming an advocate against human trafficking is deeply personal. It stems from her own experiences as a survivor of polyvictimization and her unwavering commitment to preventing others from enduring similar horrors. Her passion and purpose drive every action, inspiring others to join the fight. Survivors of human trafficking often grapple with long-term effects that extend far beyond their immediate ordeal. Eileen emphasizes the importance of support systems and empathy in helping survivors heal and rebuild their lives.

Recognizing the signs of trafficking and offering support can be life-changing. Eileen provides valuable insights into how individuals can identify potential victims and take action to intervene and offer assistance.

Cultural sensitivity and ending victim blaming are essential components of addressing human trafficking effectively. Eileen emphasizes the need for empathy and understanding, urging society to see trafficked individuals as human beings deserving of dignity and respect.

Eileen’s Upcoming Book and Projects

Eileen's dedication to her cause knows no bounds. She shares details about her upcoming projects, including a book targeting law enforcement and a survivor-centered guide. Her relentless pursuit of justice and support for survivors is truly inspiring.

Eileen's upcoming book promises to be a valuable resource for survivors, law enforcement, and community members alike. It provides a comprehensive guide to understanding and combating human trafficking, offering practical insights and technical information.

Let's continue the conversation on April 2, and take meaningful action to support survivors and end human trafficking once and for all. Join us in listening to and thanking Eileen Dong for her tireless efforts and for being a voice for the voiceless. Together, we can build a future free from exploitation and violence.

Resources

• National Human Trafficking Hotline: 888-373-7888

• National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-Hope

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Stay connected with Eileen Dong

Website: Eileen Dong

Book: Thank Your Predator: A Guide to Trauma Recovery from Abuse

International Conference on Abuse: Hope Pyx Global

For upcoming events and resources: Hope Pyx Global

To make a tax-deductible donation: Hope Pyx Global

International Survivors Network: Facebook Group

The Ms Texas Show: YouTube

Social Media: LinkedIn - Eileen Dong, LinkedIn - Hope Pyx Global