How To Overcome The Feeling Of Being Broken After MST

As the host of "The Silenced Voices of MST," I often get deeply personal questions from listeners who are navigating the aftermath of military sexual trauma (MST). One of the most relatable and tough statements I’ve encountered is, “I feel broken by my assault.” That’s something that takes so much courage to divulge to a complete stranger. It’s a sentence that resonates with profound pain and vulnerability, and it’s one that requires a nuanced response. It immediately makes sense, and it hurts to hear or see someone hurting like that

The Concept of Kintsugi

Pin it!

In Japanese culture, there exists an art form known as Kintsugi. This ancient technique of repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum is something a lot of people who have been traumatized find in their search for meaning or peace. Instead of hiding the cracks, Kintsugi highlights them, celebrating the pottery’s history and the beauty that can come from imperfection. The philosophy behind Kintsugi is that breakage and repair are part of an object's history, and rather than something to disguise, they should be embraced and celebrated.

Although I don’t think anyone would ever celebrate their assault, I do believe you can celebrate growth, rebirth, and your ability to help others with the life lessons learned on your path to healing. When we apply the principles of Kintsugi to our own lives, particularly in the context of MST, we begin to see that our experiences—no matter how painful—are integral parts of our story. They do not diminish our value but rather enhance our uniqueness and strength. I, too, felt completely worthless after repeated traumas and feeling like everyone could see that something was wrong with me. But now, I show the cracks, because that’s where my inner light shines through. The gold in our cracks symbolizes resilience, courage, and the beauty that emerges from our journey through adversity.

Grieving the Life You Once Had

One of the first steps in healing from MST is acknowledging and grieving the life you once had. It’s essential to give yourself permission to mourn the loss of the person you were before the assault. This grief is valid, and it’s a crucial part of the healing process.

I remember the days when I felt like a shadow of my former self, mourning the loss of my the life I had known as a military kid, my sense of security when seeing uniforms, and my trust in my judgement. How could I have been so wrong? This grief was a heavy burden, and I ran from it for a long time trying to hide it under a thick veneer of alcohol, drugs, and tons of bad decisions. But finally acknowledging it allowed me to start the process of healing. It’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to miss the person you used to be. Not only that, it’s okay to grieve the person you could have been. Let yourself grieve, but also internalize that this grief is not the end of your story.

Learning to Feel Safe in Your Body Again

Feeling safe in your body again is one of the most challenging aspects of recovery. MST often leaves us feeling disconnected from their bodies, plagued by anxiety, and haunted by memories of the assault. Reconnecting with your body is a gradual process, and it’s different for everyone. I remember trying to scrub my skin off one night because I just felt so disgusted with all of myself its not uncommon to hear something like this from survivors.

For me, learning to feel safe in my body involved exploring various therapeutic practices such as yoga, mindfulness, and somatic experiencing. These practices helped me to ground myself, to feel my feet on the earth, and to slowly reclaim my body as a safe space. It’s about small, intentional steps—feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin, the comfort of a soft blanket, the rhythm of your breath. Living with intention rather than drifting through life made the difference. These moments of mindfulness can help you rebuild a sense of safety and control.

Learning to Trust Again

Trust is often shattered after an assault, and rebuilding it can feel completely foreign. Trusting others, and even trusting yourself, may seem impossible. But trust can be rebuilt, piece by piece.

Start by surrounding yourself with people who respect and support you. This might be friends, family, or members of a support group. It could even be an online community centered on fixing and selling antique clocks. If it’s an activity where you feel at peace and can create a sense of self-worth, go for it! It’s important to have a safe space where you can express yourself without fear of judgment. Over time, these positive interactions can help you begin to trust again.

Trusting yourself is equally important. It’s about listening to your intuition and respecting your own boundaries. Remember, it’s okay to take things slow. I would t say to throw yourself into an environment full of wild cards where people may behave inappropriately and unpredictably (like a crowded bar or dance club). Easing back into being around other people is like getting into a hot tub. Healing is not a linear process, and it’s perfectly normal to have setbacks.

Finding Peace After Trauma

Finding peace after something as violent as MST is quite the task. It’s about integrating the traumatic experience into your life without allowing it to define you. It’s about reclaiming your story and finding moments of joy and tranquility amidst the chaos.

For me, peace comes in moments of stillness—watching a sunset, taking the time to create a really great meal from Pinterest, or losing myself in a good book. These moments remind me that despite the trauma, life still holds beauty and wonder. Peace is not a constant state but a series of fleeting moments that, when woven together, create a tapestry of resilience. And remember, you deserve peace. You are not undeserving because you’ve known pain. You will never be undeserving of peace no matter what you went through or what you had to do to survive. If anyone tries to make you feel that way, kick them out of your life immediately.

Embracing the Journey: Each Day is Work

Although I have reached a place of stability, each day is still work. I have bad days, days when the weight of my experiences feels too heavy to bear. But I also have good days, days when I feel proud of how far I’ve come. It’s important to acknowledge both. Healing is not about reaching a destination but about navigating the journey with compassion and courage.

I enjoy seeing myself handle a situation that years ago would have sent me in a tailspin. Now, I congratulate myself for find the right coping skills and knowing when I need to take a break and get recentered.

Focusing on Self-Pride

One of the most empowering aspects of my healing journey has been learning to focus on becoming proud of myself. It’s about celebrating the small victories—getting out of bed on a difficult day, reaching out for help, or simply taking a moment to breathe. These victories may seem insignificant to others, but to us, they are monumental.

I’m not saying to become arrogant. Everyone can see through falsely confident people, no matter what they tell themselves. There’s a reason arrogant people don’t have many friends, or if they do, they are frenemies. What I mean is to employ frequent positive self-talk!

I remind myself daily that I am proud of who I am and what I have overcome. This pride is not about ignoring the pain but about recognizing my strength and resilience. It’s about understanding that my worth is not defined by my trauma but by my ability to rise above it. I encourage myself through each step of the day. “Yes, I did it!” Or “Great job, girlfriend!”

It’s not stupid if it works

Finding Strength in Listening to Stories

One of the reasons I’ve been able to gain strength and host about something that is really triggering is because I know that I am fighting for the person I used to be and for many people who will live after me. Each story I listen to with my guests and audience is a testament to our collective resilience. It’s a reminder that while our experiences are painful, we are not alone. Help is out there!

The Advocates of MST: A Community of Support

In addition to the podcast, I founded the Facebook group, The Advocates of MST, as a space for survivors to connect, share their experiences, and support one another. This community has become a vital part of my healing process. Seeing others find their voice and gain strength from our shared experiences reminds me daily of the importance of our work. We are also going to start activism in a unique and interesting way in order to continue our fight for accountability in the Armed Services.

A Message to Those Who Feel Broken

To those who feel broken by their assault, I want you to know that you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, and your pain is real. But remember, like the pottery in Kintsugi, your cracks are not flaws—they are the places where the light escapes and tells your story of survival, courage, and strength.

Grieve the life you once had, but also embrace the person you are becoming. Reclaim your body as a safe space, rebuild trust in yourself and others, and seek moments of peace amidst the chaos. Each day is work, but each day is also an opportunity to grow, to heal, and to be proud of yourself.

Healing from MST is a complex and deeply personal journey. It’s about finding strength in brokenness, embracing the philosophy of Kintsugi, and allowing your cracks to shine with the gold of resilience and courage. It’s about grieving, rebuilding, and reclaiming your life, one step at a time.

As a survivor and an advocate, I am here to tell you that healing is possible. It’s a journey filled with challenges, but also with breakthrough moments of profound beauty and strength. Some days, you’ll feel invincible. Other days you’ll want to. E invisible. It’s okay! Be proud of your journey.

I hope this note is a source of comfort and inspiration for those who are navigating the difficult path of healing from MST.

Remember, you are not alone, and together, we can find strength in our brokenness and beauty in our scars.

Manage Your Triggers With This One Easy Trick

In today’s fast-paced overwhelming world, stress and anxiety have become common experiences for many people. For survivors of military sexual trauma or those currently in the middle of a traumatic experience, managing these feelings is especially crucial. Finding effective ways to cope with symptoms of anxiety, PTSD, and the aftermath of MST is essential for maintaining mental and physical health. One simple yet powerful method is mindful breathing. The 5-second inhale, 5-second hold, 5-second exhale technique, often referred to as box breathing, is a proven approach to calming the mind and body. This blog post explores the science behind this breathing technique, its numerous benefits, and practical steps for incorporating it into your daily routine.

The Science Behind Breathing Techniques

Breathing is an automatic process that sustains life, but conscious breathing can significantly impact our overall well-being. The 5-5-5 technique involves inhaling for five seconds, holding the breath for five seconds, and exhaling for five seconds. This method is rooted in ancient practices like yoga and meditation, which emphasize the importance of breath control.

For individuals who have experienced MST, anxiety and PTSD symptoms can be overwhelming and debilitating. The 5-5-5 breathing technique engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to counteract the 'fight or flight' response often triggered by trauma. By regulating your breath, you can lower your heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and promote a state of relaxation, which is crucial for those recovering from traumatic experiences.

Benefits of the 5-5-5 Breathing Technique for MST Survivors

1. Reduces Anxiety and PTSD Symptoms: Survivors of MST often experience heightened anxiety and PTSD symptoms. The 5-5-5 technique encourages deep, slow breaths that signal the brain to relax, helping to alleviate these symptoms and create a sense of calm.

2. Improves Focus and Concentration: Trauma can affect cognitive functions, making it hard to concentrate. By slowing down your breath, you can enhance your ability to stay focused and grounded, particularly in high-pressure situations.

3. Promotes Emotional Regulation: Controlled breathing can help manage intense emotions by reducing the severity of negative feelings. It provides a moment to pause, reflect, and respond rather than react impulsively to triggers.

4. Enhances Sleep Quality: Many MST survivors struggle with insomnia or disrupted sleep. Practicing mindful breathing before bedtime can prepare your body for rest, improving the quality of your sleep and helping to combat insomnia.

5. Boosts Physical Health: Consistent practice of deep breathing can improve lung capacity, enhance cardiovascular health, and strengthen the immune system, all of which are beneficial for overall recovery and well-being.

How to Practice the 5-5-5 Breathing Technique

Incorporating the 5-5-5 breathing technique into your daily routine is simple and requires no special equipment. Here’s how you can start:

1. Find a Comfortable Position: Sit or lie down in a comfortable position with your back straight and shoulders relaxed. Close your eyes to minimize distractions.

2. Inhale: Slowly inhale through your nose for a count of five. Focus on filling your lungs completely, feeling your chest and abdomen expand.

3. Hold: Hold your breath for a count of five. Use this moment to center your thoughts and stay present.

4. Exhale: Slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of five. Feel the tension leaving your body with each breath.

5. Repeat: Continue this cycle for several minutes. Aim to practice for at least five minutes initially, gradually increasing the duration as you become more comfortable with the technique.

Incorporating Breathing Techniques into Daily Life

Consistency is key to reaping the benefits of the 5-5-5 breathing technique. Here are some tips to help you integrate this practice into your daily routine:

- Start Your Day: Begin your morning with a few minutes of mindful breathing to set a calm and focused tone for the day.

- Take Breaks: Use this technique during breaks at work or throughout the day to reduce stress and maintain clarity.

- Before Bed: Incorporate the 5-5-5 technique into your nighttime routine to promote relaxation and improve sleep quality.

- During Triggers: Whenever you feel anxious or triggered, use this breathing method to ground yourself and regain control over your emotions.

Mindful breathing, particularly the 5-second inhale, 5-second hold, 5-second exhale technique, offers a simple yet effective way to manage anxiety, PTSD, and other symptoms related to MST. By incorporating this practice into your daily life, you can enhance your mental and physical well-being, paving the way for a healthier, more balanced life. Remember, healing is a journey, and every breath you take mindfully brings you one step closer to reclaiming your peace and strength.

If you found this technique helpful, consider subscribing to "The Silenced Voices of MST" podcast for more insights and practical tips on managing MST-related symptoms.

Have you tried the 5-5-5 breathing technique? How did it affect your anxiety or PTSD symptoms? Your story will inspire others on their path to healing! Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments below – how has mindful breathing impacted your recovery journey?

Finding Her Voice and Healing: A Journey of Courage

In a environment veiled by silence, where the scars of trauma are worn like armor, Jeanette Garcia emerges as a testament to resilience, sharing her profound military journey with candid honesty. Jeanette's story is not just about enduring; it's about finding healing and empowering others to do the same.

The Call to Service and Shadows of Trauma

A sense of duty and a need for change was recognized as a call to serve her country that led her to enlist in the army. Through basic training and the challenges of deployment to Afghanistan, she forged unbreakable bonds with fellow soldiers and discovered depths of strength she never knew she possessed.

Yet, amidst the traumas encountered during her deployment, Jeanette confronted a darker reality: the specters of military sexual trauma (MST) and domestic violence. These insidious foes left wounds that ran deeper than any battlefield scar, testing her resolve and shaking the very foundations of her being.

Jeanette found solace in her faith and the unwavering support of her son and her loyal companion, her dog. Through their love, she discovered the power to heal and the courage to confront her demons. Jeanette's journey of personal growth and redemption didn't end with her own healing; it became a beacon of hope for others navigating similar trials.

Healing and Empowerment Through Storytelling

jeanette's healing journey found expression in the pages of her book, "Battle Scars." Through raw honesty and unflinching vulnerability, she bared her soul to the world, transforming her pain into a narrative of empowerment. In sharing her story, she not only found catharsis but also ignited a spark of awareness, shedding light on the pervasive issue of abuse within the military.

As Jeanette reflects on the ongoing cases of abuse within the military, she issues a clarion call for societal change and unwavering support for survivors. She advocates for the creation of safe spaces where survivors can come forward without fear of judgment, emphasizing the importance of fostering a culture of empathy and understanding.

Guidance for the Next Generation

For young women embarking on their own military journeys, Jeanette offers sage advice: prioritize self-care, watch for warning signs in relationships, and lean on the bonds forged with fellow service members. She underscores the importance of vigilance in a culture often marred by excessive alcohol consumption, urging individuals to protect themselves and their well-being.

Jeanette Garcia's journey is a testament to the indomitable human spirit, a stirring saga of resilience and redemption in the face of unimaginable adversity. Through her unwavering courage and unyielding determination, she has not only found healing for herself but has also become a guiding light for others traversing the shadowed valleys of trauma. As we heed her call to action, may we find solace in the knowledge that even amidst the darkest of nights, the dawn of hope shines bright for those who dare to embrace it.

For more insights into Jeanette's journey and her ongoing projects, visit her website at WeSurvivedTrauma.com and explore her book, "Battle Scars," available on Amazon and her website.

April marks Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and we at Silenced Voices | Stories of MST are committed to honoring it with each of our interviews. As we delve into Jeanette's narrative, we acknowledge the sensitive nature of the content presented. The content presented in this interview may contain sensitive material that could potentially trigger viewers. Silenced Voices | Stories of MST is committed to supporting survivors of all forms of sexual violence and discrimination. Our mission, encapsulated in our motto "Listen. Believe. Support.", guides our platform's values and actions. It's important to note that the views expressed by our guests do not necessarily reflect the beliefs or values of Silenced Voices. While we provide a platform for survivors to share their stories, we do not endorse or condone any opinions or statements made by our guests.

We strive to create a safe and inclusive space for survivors to speak out and be heard. We encourage our listeners to engage critically with the content presented and to prioritize their own well-being while listening.